The Xpert – production vlog, celebrial archives and lyrics of a true nerd

The Xpert has read everything that’s ever been written. He knows any author and can quote passages from any book at any time. if a lady wants to spend time with him (which apparently happens quite frequently) she has to write him letters devoteldly asking him for information and one day she might be accepted into the realm of the Xperts celebrial archives.

here’s how I’m going to record the Xpert:

here’s what the Xpert told me:

give me a book and I read it
as long as it’s heavy as lead
give me books long forgotton and rare
I read them all as long as they’re not popular
I read them all, and I understand them
I can quote passages from them at any given time
a 17 I looked like 47
but the more I read the more I stay the same
give me a name, be assured I know it
cause I’m the Xpert in any given field

I look like a cupboard that’s never been opened
I could graduate from any school at any given time
if I say “I don’t know” you know it’s a lie
I just say it so you can say something as well
my world is only books and listeners.

I honor your silence with my speach
I never tell the same tale twice
and everything I say is utterly important
I just regret I have to sleep like any regular guy

and if your only desire is to detect a lie in my speach
be aware, baby, I’m the Xpert
I’m the Xpert in any given field

Although I speak of many different things
for years I’ve stayed the same
only women come and go
well, that has always been insane
I’ll never visit your town
unless I’ve read everything about it
and then your town will want to be
exactly what I know about it

and if your only desire is to detect a lie in my speach
be aware, baby, I’m the Xpert
I’m the Xpert in any given field

If you want to be with me you have to write me letters
devotedly asking me for information
and if you write them letters well and if you write them long enough
I might accept to like you some day
and then I will agree to be surrounded
by your questions forever and a day

and if your only desire is to detect a lie in my speach
be aware, baby, I’m the Xpert
I’m the Xpert in any given field

and if you’ve come this far, thank you! here’s a little treat for you of another version of the song.

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